Come On, Boys.

Boys.

What are you doing?

I realize I’m at a small school with slightly more women than men, but tonight at the OxFam Hunger Banquet, there were probably 10 guys out of 60 people.

I’m probably exaggerating, but I don’t care.

I don’t care because over the years I’ve noticed boys don’t seem particularly interested in service.

Fools.

Why?

Because it’s “not cool”?

Does it take away from bro time?

Does it take away from you studies?

Now, I know it’s not the last one.

We have a program at this school called TRIPS (Turning Responsibility Into Powerful Service). Literally no boys are interested in it.

We are blessed with an opportunity to spend a week living simply and serving people around the world.

HOW IS THIS NOT COOL!?

I don’t understand.

I really do appreciate Fraternities and their commitment to service.

They do service together while enjoying it AND getting bro time.

Perfect!

To be fair, some girls aren’t interested in TRIPS or service in general and this saddens me.

How can you not want to help people?

I don’t understand.

I always wish there was more that I could do.

I would also like to point out that if a boy chooses to participate in service think of ALL the wonderful women he’ll meet.

All of the

Genuine,

Beautiful,

Thoughtful,

and Smart,

women he’ll meet.

For example, my TRIP group from last winter to Washington D.C.

 

Think about it.                                    

 

No, You Didn’t Find Love, You Idiot.

Today, I made a horrible mistake.

I watched Rihanna’s music video for “We Found Love.”

I literally puked in my mouth while watching it.

Rihanna and boy, didn’t find love, idiot.

That is NOT love.

The premise of the video is so stupid. THERE WASN’T ONE!

It was Rihanna and some little puke making out everywhere.

Smoking.

Drinking.

Stealing.

And crying in a bathtub? Yeah, I don’t particularly understand why there was crying in the bathtub

Does that mean they found love?

Was the love in the bathtub and they were so emotional they started crying?

I don’t have a bathtub, so I guess I’m not finding love.

Why all the smoking and drinking?

Because they needed drugs and narcotics to “love” each other?

Interesting.

I thought love was when you had respect and compassion for the person. When just seeing the other person brings you a feeling of happiness no one else can and when you see them you get butterflies.

But, that’s stupid.

Clearly, being in love means having sex everywhere and wearing  jackets with nothing underneath.

That must have chaffed.

But, that’s love, I guess.

Ugh. I’m just disgusted right now!

If you’re going to make such a stupid, nonsensical music video, please don’t bother.

I’m embarrassed for my generation.

This is what we think love is?

How are we suppose to expect people to be respectful and courteous when we have jerks like Rihanna and Co. portraying love like that?

What happened to good old fashioned courting?

Put me in your buggy and take me for a Sunday afternoon drive.

We can talk about our hopes and dreams.

Maybe hold hands.

Then, maybe we’ll find love.

Not by getting high, drunk and slobbering all over each other.

Rant over.

Excuse Me, Son!

The issue with blasting my feelings over the interwebs is well, it’s on the interwebs.

I’m red-faced horn-hopping mad.

But, I can’t blog about it specifically because that’s scandy.

I’ll just be ambiguous.

People need to THINK.

Use your heads!

Have you ever heard the cliche phrase “walk a mile in someone else’s shoes”?

I think we should revisit that.

People can be so aggravating.

Excuse me, son!

I’m so annoyed It’s making me tired.

Do you ever get that?

Where you’re so frustrated it makes you want to climb into bed and go to sleep.

I’m at that point.

“He who angers you conquers you.” Elizabeth Kenny.

I am conquered my gentle readers.

There’s nothing I can do about it either.

Poop a doop.

I thought typing this out with make me feel better, but now I’m more sleepy.

I’m not someone who handles frustration and anger well.

It gets to me.

I’ve been gotten.

 

 

Facebook, you bring out the worst in me.

Facebook sucks.

Seriously.

I hate it. (of course I’ll probably continue using it.)

(maybe)

I just don’t like what it does to me.

 

I’m obsessed with it. I check it all the time.

Why?

To see if someone “liked” my stupid status!? I feel like I almost care more about who likes my status than anything else sometimes.

Stupid Facebook!

Why do I read the newsfeed obsessively? Can someone please explain this to me? Why is it that when it comes to reading for my classes I find myself thinking about my stupid newsfeed? It makes me mad.

I laugh at most of the statuses anyway.

“Boys suck and I hate myself”

Cool. Way to plaster that on Facebook INSTEAD of talking to the person that caused that emo status.

“I have so much to do, I haven’t gotten any sleep and I have so much homework….”

Maybe you should get off Facebook and get to work.

 

Also, the new Facebook is making me crazy. I know too much.

Now you can see when someone likes someone’s picture.

Even if the person whose picture they liked isn’t your friend.

CREEPY!

I see things I don’t want to see.

I don’t want to see you commenting on your friend’s emo status.

Yet, I read it anyway.
Facebook is a disease.

 

I saw something on Facebook today and it was something I did not want to see, but I saw it and now I can’t stop thinking about it.

But, I feel like if I say something, I’d be super creepy.

I’m going to go ahead and admit that I am super creepy, but how do you bring that up to someone!?

“Hey Claire!”

“Hiiii X.”

“What’s up?”

“Um… well, so, I was watching the second newsfeed that’s next to the first newsfeed and I saw you commented X on X’s status, like WTF?”

* X runs away*

 

Also, I hate the politics of Facebook. Like, deleting people.

Yes, I deleted you. We hadn’t talked in a very long time and I did not consider you a friend.

Thus, I deleted you.

I feel like such a creeper when I look at someone’s profile who I haven’t talked to in a while.

Or why can’t I delete people I just don’t like.

Because then they’d see me and say ” YOU BRAT YOU DELETED ME OFF FACEBOOK WHAT DID I EVER DO TO YOU!?”

And I’d just say “I’m sorry, I just don’t like you or your stupid emo statues.”

The ultra sad thing is that’s happened to me. Someone deleted me off Facebook because they didn’t like me and I became very angry. Very angry.

Why?

I didn’t even like that person very much, yet when they deleted me I threw a fit.

I disgust myself.

How can I call myself human?

I’m a creature.

A creature of the Facebook.

 

Ahhhhhh! I should be in bed! I am so tired that I feel sickie, yet I can’t stop looking at Facebook, seeing things I don’t want to see and tearing up over something that doesn’t even matter to me.

 

 

Wait, why am I apologizing?

Something occurred to me today.

Why do we apologize for our bodily functions?

Like sneezing, burping,  or physical characteristics?

 

Whenever someone sneezes they always say “excuse me” or “sorry.”

Why are you apologizing?

Did you purposely sneeze or was your sneeze fake?

Has that sneeze negatively altered or changed my life in any way? No. Your body was performing a natural occurrence and trying to remove a blockage or dust from your nose.

There is no need to apologize.

On another note: why do we say “bless you” after we sneeze?

It’s an archaic belief that when you sneeze you are releasing evil spirits into the world and someone must say “bless you” to keep the evil spirits from entering them.

…………. I feel bad putting this into my blog because loved ones of mine say “bless you” and I realize it is also a way of showing someone you care by “blessing them” ………..

Alas, I digress.

 

Whenever a person burps, he or she is expected to say “excuse me” or that person is considered to be rude or impolite.

Now, if you have ever spent quality time with me you’ll notice I burp often and I never say “excuse me” because I think that’s ridiculous.

I’m not excusing myself for a bodily function.  I could suppress the gas bubbles from exiting through my mouth, but then I’d get a tummy ache and feel icky.

Is that what you want? For Claire to get a tummy ache?

Hope not.

Sometimes when I let out a large belch someone will say disgustedly, “EXCUSE YOU, CLAIRE!” Excuse you, person, for the acids in my stomach are performing their natural role of creating gas that needs to exit, would you rather I release these gases in a different form?

Would you prefer I release the gases through my eyes?

 

Finally, one of my larger pet peeves.

When people feel the need to point out my physical flaws.

Because I was not aware my pinkies are crooked.

Countless times someone has noticed my severely crooked left pinky and they exclaim, “OH MY GOD LOOK AT HOW CROOKED YOUR PINKY IS!!!!”

Thanks, idiot. I’m aware that pinky is crooked.

Over several years, I watched in agony as it slowly crocked over and then it’s counter slowly followed.

Thanks for pointing out something I CLEARLY see every single day.

My usual reaction is to laugh it off or apologize.

Why the H do I apologize for it?! It’s not like I broke them and bent them over. Who would do that!?

 

I’m done complaining about life for the day.        I’m just going to enjoy my crooked pinkies.

 

 

 

Rude!

Today, I became very irritated with people.

Specifically, people who were being rude.

I’m going to admit something and say that I’m typically frustrated with rude people every day, but today the rudeness was especially annoying.

 

Firstly, people who openly text in class.

I’ll admit that I check my phone during class.

Shame on me.

But, a guy in my Geology class was openly texting in front of the professor.

RUDE!

Excuse me, what if you went to her for help and she just started openly texting?

You’d probably be frustrated that she was ignoring you.

Jerk.

 

Secondly, when people start packing up their crap before the profressor is done talking.

Today, I was especially annoyed because while my professor was still talking, two girls started to pack up their things AND they began talking.

Okay, it’s already annoying that you’re making tons of noise packing up your crap and distracting the professor, but you need to TALK  to each other too!!?!?

RUDE!

I’m going to go ahead and assume what ever you two  had to say to each other WAS NOT IMPORTANT.

Girls can be so rude.

Yes, it was 12:11 and we’re suppose to get out of class at 12:10.

Oh my goddddddd one extra minuteeeeeeee. You pooooooor litttlee babyyyy.

That’s one extra, free minute! Plus, the professor is finishing a thought! Don’t you want to know what he is going to say!?

I do.

 

Thirdly, when people talk audibly during class. You know what? Even whispers are annoying. Today, during one of my classes several people were literally having a conversation.

RUDE!

Excuse me, this is learning time. If you don’t care about the class or what we’re learning about, here’s an idea…. DON’T COME TO CLASS!

Actually, don’t go to school. Stop wasting your time.

Honestly, you’re ruining my life right now.

Okay, that’s dramatic.

But, by talking you’re distracting other people. Including Claire. This annoys Claire. Don’t annoy Claire.

 

Sorry for the rant.

I just have a lot of feelings.

 

 

 

 

If I’m dead tomorrow…..

I’ve had it up to HERE.

Why can’t you people just understand Proper Coughing Etiquette?

Stop coughing into your damn hands                                                              .

It’s making me crazy!

Today, I was walking.

Innocently.

From my last class to my room.

Simple.

I was walking in front of a young fellow.

I heard him wind up for a sneeze and instantly felt nervous.

Then he sneezed.

Into the air.

People. His sneeze touched my precious arm.

You sick freak.

If I die tomorrow, you will all know why.

SNEEZE INTO YOUR ELBOW.

PLEASE.

I was so disgusted with this weirdo’s sneeze on me I was strongly considering just cutting it off.

No joke.

Don’t sneeze into the air.

I turned to him and gave him a Claire Glare.

He was not comprehensive.

Rules for sneezing, coughing, hacking, etc:

1.) Do not cough into your hands. If you do, wash them immediately.

2.) Do not cough into the air because you will hit something or someone.

3.) If you so choose to sneeze into your hands DO NOT TOUCH THINGS like, doorknobs, public computers, and children.
For the love of Pete! Stop it!

It’s not hard! I promise. Just remember INTO the elbow.

It’s safe for you sneeze there.

You Creepy Weirdo

Dear Creepy Weirdo,

I dearly hope you see this blog, but you probably won’t because you blocked me off Facebook.

Good job, you 15 year old girl.

You’re a psycho. You lied about everything, from what music you like, relationships, your intelligence level and your political views.

I admit, I was a stupid fool.

Wait, I was a complete and total idiot.

It makes me sad to think I fell for you. And all your lies.

I would like to mention you have problems and you need help.

You have no reason to lie about your taste in music. Who cares if I like Weezer and you don’t? That literally doesn’t matter.

Also, there’s no such thing as a Buddist-Catholic, you idiot.

The pillar of Christianity and Catholicism is God gave the world his only son, Jesus, to die for our sins.

Buddists don’t believe in Jesus, you knob!

Also, ‘energy cannot be created or destroyed’ is part of Newton’s Law. Don’t know what I’m talking about? LOOK IT UP.

Your behavior is quite disturbing.

When a LADY says no a LADY means no and gal-darn-it I’m a LADY.

Also, lying about watching Teen Mom is just plain weird and unnecessary. Teen Mom is a show for dumb girls like me.

You posted several anti-Obama statuses whilst I was still in puppy love over you.

I think that means you don’t like the president, right?

When our political views came into conversation, you said you liked Obama.

This does not make sense to me.

You are so creepy and weird. I’m so embarrassed.

How do you not know what a mallard duck is at 25!?!?

 

I’m actually glad you blocked me off Facebook and have ceased communicating with me. You’re so dumb it’s like talking to a wall. Actually, talking to a wall would be better because the wall wouldn’t interrupt me.

 

If I ever run into you, I’m pretending I don’t know who you are,

C

 

The PROPER Way to Pick Up a LADY

On this hot Sunday, I was running down Maple Ave (also known as Highway E).

Simple enough.

I was almost killed.

Okay, not really, but I was seriously disturbed.

So I’m running along, happy as a clam (and sweating like a pig) when all of a sudden a black truck starts honking at me.

A guy had his head out the window and was yelling something to me.

I don’t know what he said and I do not wish to know.

Well, unless it was “GO ABE LINCOLN!” Let’s get real, no one will ever yell that to me as I’m running along.

Anyway.

I was so startled I literally jumped into the air.

My heart started pounding and I stopped dead in my tracks.

What the heck!?!?

What was the point of that??

Can someone please explain the logic of this to me: see someone running then honk and yell something to that someone.

Seriously!? What did he expect me to do? Start running after the truck? Jump in the bed? Fall over with lust?!

That scared the crap out of me. My heart is still pounding and this was almost a half hour ago.

Idiot.

Have you ever heard anyone say this, “My wife and I met when I honked at her while she was running. I yelled something incoherent, but it was love at first…honk.”

NO!

Have you ever had someone whistle at you?

AWKWARD.

I went to Summerfest to see Switchfoot. I had to work till 3:30, so I had to drive through Milwaukee by myself to get to there.

After the concert, I walked by myself to my car.

On the way to my car, two guys started following me.

This made me nervous, but then one of the starts whistling at me.

WHY!?

I got a little spooked so I started quietly talking to myself and swinging my arms (this totally works by the way) and they started to slow down.

Dude. Ladies aren’t dogs, you can’t whistle and expect them to come to you.

Puke.

Again, what to expect me to do?

Oh you whistled at me! What’s your number?

NO.

That’s not how you meet a lady, this is how you meet a lady:

You see a cute girl.

Walk over, smile and introduce yourself.

WAS THAT SOOOOO HARD?!

Also, eye contact. Having good eye contact is very important.

Ask her for her name. Compliment her.

BUT DO NOT WHISTLE, HOOT, HOLLAR OR HONK.

If you want to pick up a LADY, treat her like a LADY.

 

 

 

 

I’m Never Spending Money Again.

 

I just wrote the biggest check I’ve ever written for tuition.

(amount undisclosed)

I wrote another huge check (undisclosed amount) on a car (her name is Elva and I love her) this summer and now must pay $69 a month to keep her insured.

I just spent $178 on books for this semester.

Two weekends ago, I went on a tripski to visit loved ones and I spent $200 on clothes, going out to eat, etc.

My wallet is looking at me right now; crying.

It’s crying and saying, “Why Claire? WHY!?”

I’m sorry wallet! What am I suppose to do!?

Money, Money, Money.

I feel like that’s all it boils down to.

Or is that just me?

It’s just me.

I have huge dreams and goals. Like, studying abroad.

This will be a stretch.

I have an idea! I will never spend money again.

Crap. There’s this concert coming up that I want to go to. . .

UGH!

This isn’t normal!

A 19-year-old should not be this stressed out about money!

I need a sugar daddy pronto!

(seriously, call me).

I’ve gotten great advice from people about money.

Once, I was crying and whining about my student loans and a friend told me to “think of it as an investment for my future.” How true.

Alas, I still find myself staring at the ceiling most nights wondering how I’m going to make this all work.

I need to believe in the magic and push forward.

If I may quote my favorite person of all time Abraham Lincoln, “Always bear in mind that your own resolution to succeed is more important than any other.”

I’m on it, Abe.